ramblings of a perplexed old man

41 is a strange age ...

Sometimes the body feels young and full of energy like that of a teenager (wait, maybe that's just because I had a strong cup of coffee this morning, which I don't usually drink ;-) ... sometimes old and worn out like it's on the verge of collapse due to too many years of relentlessly doing stuff too many hours per week (hmm, often that happens after a red-eye flight or a night of working on research till 2AM then getting up at 7AM to drive a kid to school...)

And sometimes when I'm walking down the street or just sitting and thinking, I feel like a weird over-thoughtful kid, just like I did 30 years ago ... and start wondering how I somehow accumulated all these trappings around me: wife, kids, companies, house, projects?? All stuff that is very rewarding and largely very pleasant.

I wonder how much of the psychological change that comes with aging is actually change in one's mind, versus change imposed by the different situation that one's life-course (directed by society) imposes on one. Having so many responsibilities makes it hard for me to think/act like I did 25 years ago even when my brain feels like it. Yet the responsibilities are all tied to sources of reward that I didn't have back then either....

What it comes down to it, it sucks for time to be such a scarce resource. Which means I need to work harder at creating AGI, immortality and all that stuff. Which leads to more time-allocation problems such as balancing research versus other responsibilities and versus being-myself ;-O